4. Change

When I was a child, I was afraid. If there were clouds in the sky—not even big threatening thunderheads, just any old wispy clouds—I was afraid there would be lightning. If Mom and Dad left us for a trip, even a one day trip to town, I knew they weren’t coming back. If there were extra people around, even kids my own age, I was afraid I’d get lost in the crowd. I was just afraid.

About the only thing that eased my fear was being home, with my family—familiar place, familiar people, no rocking the boat, no extras, no surprises. Change was difficult and scary and I resisted it at every possible turn. Now that I’m no longer a child, I’m not afraid, but change is still not easy. I rely on familiarity. Sameness is comfortable.

When 9/11 happened, I wanted nothing more than to gather all my family in a familiar place and hole up until things got back to normal. When my kids were growing up, I’d hear my heart whisper “hang on for dear life,” while my head calmly reminded me, “things are changing and it’s time to let go.”

I’m learning flexibility…go with the flow, roll with the punches. I’m learning to accept things even when I don’t particularly like them. I’m learning that change may be uncomfortable but that’s not a bad thing. I’m learning again and again, every day and every day, to trust in God’s plan.